What Are Watermen Doing in the Winter?

29.12.2007 | 14:59
What Are Watermen Doing in the Winter?

That is really a Hamletesque question. It is generally known that they never left for warmer regions in the winter. Still, nobody has seen them on ice anywhere. At least I have never seen any waterman skating. I know only one person who saw a waterman during the winter, and that was Josef Lada, who painted a waterman who was sitting on a branch of a willow tree. But I suspect – just a little bit – that master Lada was just having fun, as he did when he made the popular picture of the pub brawl. And since even fairy tales keep silent about this phenomenon, it’s a hard nut to crack. Better said, it was.

Recently, or more exactly when this winter´s first frost arrived, a figure remarkably resembling a waterman was seen on Prague’s Kampa Island. A conclusive proof was provided by a quick painter, I can name her – Marta Krátká, who present-mindedly drew his portrait, which you can see here. After she sent the picture to our editorial house we didn´t wait and showed it to real experts – Mr. Waterhouse, Frog and Tench from Vltava Watershed Association. What followed was real hell. Our team concluded that Homo Aquaticus Aquaticus (water underwater human) as the waterman was named, is a mammal, just like us, but on the contrary to the Homo Sapiens Sapiens (wise human) he has several obvious advantages. First of all longevity. Further, the members of our team believe that the watermen are hermaphrodites, although inlanders speak exclusively about males in contrast to sea wolves, who only speak about women, or rather female creatures. Why fresh water men don´t marry sea maids, which would be quite practical, they didn´t find out. Yet the answers to all these questions are so self evident. Firstly, could you imagine that our creeks, brooks, rivers, ponds, lakes, waterfalls and wells were full of salt water? Where would our children skate then and wouldn´t freezers transform into saltboxes? In that case, water would become more than gold. As a matter of fact, isn´t it already so? Secondly, why don´t watermen marry sea maids? Because they don´t have to, and besides that, who needs a woman who has a fin instead of legs and therefore is completely incapable of going and getting things for us men, for instance a jar of beer... Thirdly and last, what are watermen doing in the winter? They are sleeping! Actually, frogs are doing exactly the same, because they are one of the watermen’s most practical reincarnations.

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